If you want to win friends and influence people, link your agenda to their agenda.
Ozan Varol makes a great case that if you want to lose friends and alienate people, attack their identity, belittle them (“I told you so”), ostracize them (“If you’re not with us, you’re against us”) or ridicule them (“You’re not a real feminist”).
He suggests instead that we should follow the approach that Joaquin Phoenix used in accepting the Oscar for Best Actor earlier this year for his brilliant performance in Joker:
“'At times we feel, or we are made to feel, that we champion different causes, but for me, I see commonality. Whether we’re talking about gender inequality or racism or queer rights or indigenous rights or animal rights, we’re talking about the fight against injustice. We’re talking about the fight against the belief that one nation, one people, one race, one gender or one species has the right to dominate, control and use and exploit another with impunity.'
"Instead of emphasizing differences between groups, Joaquin cited the similarities between them. Instead of narrowing the circle of connection, he widened it. To him, people championing these seemingly different causes —whether it’s gender rights or animal rights — are in fact championing the same thing: the fight against injustice.
The takeaway? "If you want to win friends and influence people, follow Phoenix’s approach. Link your agenda to their agenda. Explain why your cause furthers their cause.
"Instead of drawing a small circle to exclude people, draw a bigger circle to include them."
Article: If You Want People to Join Your Cause, Stop Doing This